Doing the damn thing!

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I have no clue where to start so I’m just going to write something. I’m assuming it will just come to me as I write, considering i nevvver have nothing to say. If you know me, it’s actually kind of ridiculous. I can’t shut up! And i usually (usually meaning always) go on these tangents where i just say the same thing over and over?  i was told some of that is from the awesome short-term memory issues dysuatonomia can cause, and well the rest is just me. Perfectly imperfect they say, right?

 

Anyway I’ve decided I’m not going to give up on myself any longer. I’m going to do the damn thing and share my story. I’ve had this strong yearning to tell my story for a very long time. Like it was my purpose in life or something. I can’t explain the feeling but it’s like whatever the topic of conversation is or wherever I am i have a way of bringing up my journey and somehow always wanting to talk about it. Like someone maybe around that needs to hear it?It sounds crazy, i know… and it’s not for the reason some will say it is, it’s not for attention or pity actually makes me so depressed. <>When i was doing very poorly and used my wheelchair very frequently i hated leaving the house because i would dread the awful “oh poor girl” look and soft smile that everyone gives when they see a young, pretty and healthy looking girl confined to a wheelchair. Every single time i would leave the mall, or store, or grocery crying and feeling so sorry for myself. So please don’t ever think this is for that, keep that crap far awayyy

 

ANYWAY I’m in this new-found chapter of my journey where I’m accepting things that are hard to accept, yet again. For years i knew i needed to get certain feelings out and write these words out for others to see but i have always doubted myself and if anyone would read it. I honestly just made up pretty much every excuse i could to not make the plunge, i guess i was scared. But the ever-so-changing-me is trying to do things a little different and not live life so based on fear! It’s seriously no fun.  But anyway it’s not about that, if no one reads it then that’s ok! I’m putting my story out there and allowing myself to be vulnerable and in return im helping myself heal from something that i thought i would never totally recover from both emotionally and physically.

 

If just one person reads this and is able to take something away from it then i feel like i fulfilled my duty. I’ve learned so many things in the past (almost) 6 years. One of them is that my god didn’t put me through this amount of suffering for nothing. I thought the saying was so silly when i first got sick it just didn’t make sense to me “everything happens for a reason”

What the hell? What reason is there for this? But I have no doubt in my mind that I’m supposed to share my story and let others know what is possible. There is a reason for all of this and there was from the very beginning. I have a purpose and i’m still trying to figure all of that out, but i know this is part of it. Maybe just a very small piece of what is supposed to be, but it is a move forward.

 

Sometimes all you need is hope. Hope that things will get better. Hope that you will get that new job, or that you will finally get pregnant. Hope that all of your hard work, whatever it may be will be worth it one day. I didn’t have that hope when this all started for me, and if I can give that to even just one person well that’s all i want.

 

Thank you for reading this far and letting my explain my journey to you. It’s a crazy, over-complicated, and LONG story but I think it’s one worth reading {but who knows maybe I’m a little biased you will just have to continue reading and see for yourself! ;)}

Resilience is all about being able to overcome the unexpected. Sustainability is about survival. The goal of resilience is to thrive.  

 

Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.     

Helen Keller

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